The Art of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is often discussed in the context of healing, and for good reason. It’s a powerful force that not only helps us move forward but also plays a crucial role in self-love.

The analogy of a suitcase is often used to describe how we accumulate emotions over the years. I want to paint a vivid picture of this analogy so you can truly understand why forgiveness isn’t just a nicety—it’s essential for living a peaceful life.

Imagine arriving in this world, pure and innocent, carrying your very own suitcase. It’s a fixed size—you can’t trade up for a larger one. This suitcase is meant to hold only your most treasured memories and emotions, but as life happens, it inevitably fills with a range of experiences, both joyful and painful.

That time you got called on in class unprepared, and the whole room erupted in laughter? You couldn’t cry—it would only make things worse. Into the suitcase it went.

The night your parents argued, and a glass shattered against the wall? Fear surged through you, but the people you relied on for comfort were lost in their own struggles. Into the suitcase.

Your first love—and your first heartbreak. It was just “puppy love,” they said. Everyone gets their heart broken. Get over it. Into the suitcase.

The grief of losing your grandmother, but no one around you knew how to process it, so you stuffed it down. Into the suitcase.

Failures, disappointments, betrayals, criticism, friendships that fell apart—all packed away.

Before you know it, you’re 38 (or let’s be real, maybe even 13!), dragging a suitcase that barely closes, much less rolls smoothly behind you. It’s heavy, not with cherished memories, but with the unresolved emotions and unprocessed pain you didn’t know how to handle at the time. And now, there’s no room for anything new—good or bad—without feeling completely overwhelmed. Something has to come out before anything more can fit in.

This is what forgiveness is about.

Think about packing for a trip. You wouldn’t bring a ratty old T-shirt with paint stains—you’d pack your best, most comfortable, most loved items. Do the same with your ‘Life Suitcase.’ Keep the best. Let go of the rest. Make room for more goodness, more beauty, more joy. Make room for love.

For 40 years, I carried the weight of both my own transgressions and those of others in my 'Life Suitcase'. I thought I had moved on by pushing painful memories aside, convincing myself I was "over it." But in reality, I had only buried my emotions, not released them. Beneath the surface, I held onto anger, resentment, guilt, and shame—most of which were directed at myself. Over time, this emotional burden affected both my mental and physical well-being.

When I embarked on my healing journey, one of the most profound lessons I learned was this: letting go isn’t for the other person—it’s for me.

Some people may not deserve forgiveness for the harm they’ve caused, but we deserve to be free from the weight of that pain. We deserve happiness, joy, and peace. But if we continuously replay past hurts or dwell on the ways we've let ourselves down, we trap ourselves in frustration and anger. And when we live in the past, we dim the light of the present.

Healing happens when we consciously choose to release the pain—little by little. You might wonder, How do I let go of something that hurt me so deeply?

Here are three practices that have helped me forgive more easily:

1. Recognizing That People Can Only Meet You at Their Level
   People’s actions are often a reflection of their own emotional wounds, conditioning, and limitations—not a measure of our worth. Understanding that someone’s harmful behavior was a result of their inner struggles doesn’t excuse it, but it can provide perspective. A more emotionally developed person wouldn’t have acted the same way. When we recognize that their actions were about them, not us, it becomes easier to release resentment.

2. Extending to Others the Same Compassion We Desire
   We’ve all had moments where emotions got the best of us, causing us to react rather than respond with intention. If we hold onto resentment toward others for their emotional shortcomings, we also hold ourselves to an impossible standard. True forgiveness allows us to recognize that growth is a journey for everyone—including ourselves.

3. Valuing Your Happiness More Than Your Pain
   As you heal your self-worth, you begin to want to forgive—not because others deserve it, but because you finally recognize you deserve peace. We cannot change the past, but we can decide whether or not to let it cloud our present. The moment we choose happiness over lingering pain, we start shedding the emotional weight that holds us back. Forgiveness, in this sense, is a gift we give to ourselves.

Like all aspects of healing, forgiveness isn’t linear. Some days, it feels effortless. Other days, old wounds resurface, bringing back emotions we thought we had released. This is normal. Forgiveness is a practice—one we return to again and again. And over time, it gets easier.

Just remember: you deserve happiness and peace. And you can’t fully embrace either if you’re still holding onto past pain. You have the power to choose where your mind and heart reside. Be intentional about what you allow to occupy your emotional space. Pack your 'Life Suitcase" wisely.

Let go. You deserve it.